


Mon Cœur Vous Désire

by whom_ping_willow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Issues, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, French Sirius Black, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, More tags will be added later, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Is A Nerd, black brothers, remus is a badass who owns a motorcycle, so basically they switch aesthetics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22821808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whom_ping_willow/pseuds/whom_ping_willow
Summary: “Why don’t you just ask him out already?” Lily asked.Sirius had to laugh, that’s how bloody ridiculous it sounded. “Yeah,” he said. “Like someone as cool as Remus would ever like me.”He doubted Remus even knew his name.-sirius has had a crush on a guy from his school for way too long, but doesn't think this guy would ever like him back. he is, of course, wrong.(this starts off really fluffy with remus and sirius just being very gay for eachother but there's gonna be angst too)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 39
Kudos: 228





	1. match maker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted the first 3 chapters of this fic on tumblr (whom-ping-willow) and instagram (chocolate_loving_swearwolf) but i just think ao3 is a better format for posting longer-ish fics, which is why i'm posting this here now. 
> 
> basically (if u didn't read the tags) sirius and remus switch aesthetics, so sirius is more of a bookish nerd and remus a leatherjacket-wearing badass.
> 
> here's the artwork that originally inspired the fic:  
> https://thematicallycoherent.tumblr.com/post/190567737903/wolfstar-but-they-switch-aesthetics
> 
> and check out this awesome fan art!  
> https://casualmaraudering.tumblr.com/post/190908264175/its-been-seven-years-since-i-did-a-proper-drawing  
> https://rrremusly.tumblr.com/post/190951590378/motorcycles-gay-feelings-and-ice-cream
> 
> sorry for that long into, let's get right into the fic:

“Oh, come on, Sirius!” Lily exclaimed, pulling Sirius out of his daze.

He tried to pretend he hadn’t been staring at him - Remus Lupin - but he already knew there was no point in hiding it. He couldn’t fool Lily.

“Why don’t you just ask him out already?” she asked.

Sirius had to laugh, that’s how bloody ridiculous it sounded. “Yeah,” he said. “Like someone as cool as Remus would ever like me.”

He doubted Remus even knew his name.

Lily shrugged, poking the straw into her juice box and taking a long sip before speaking: “You won’t know before you try,” she said. “Either way, you can’t just keep staring at him from across the hallway, the canteen, the bus… you stare at him all the time. It’s kinda weird.”

Sirius huffed, turning away from Lily. “Well, I can’t just ask him out either,” he mumbled, looking down at his uneaten lunch. “The whole school would make fun of me, for fucks sake!”

“You don’t know that!” Lily insisted. “Maybe he fancies you too.”

Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, right,” he said. “Remus Lupin, the coolest guy in school, would definitely a fancy someone like me.”

Lily chuckled. “He might.”

“He drives a motorcycle!” Sirius reminded her, leaning in over the table. This was ridiculous. Did Lily really think-

“Before you murder me for this,” Lily said, interrupting Sirius’ train of thought: “Just remember I am trying to help you.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, but Lily didn’t answer. Instead, she turned in the direction of Remus, cupped her mouth with her hands and - before Sirius could stop her - yelled out:

“Oi, Lupin!”

The cafeteria went silent. Remus, as well as everyone else, turned to look in their direction, no doubt trying to figure out where the voice came from.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Sirius hissed through gritted teeth.

“Trust me,” Lily whispered, before once again turning back to Remus. “Over here!” she called, waving her hand at Remus, who seemed to finally have spotted her.

Sirius hid his face in his hands as Remus made his way over to their table. Most of the cafeteria had resumed their usual chatter, no longer paying attention to the commotion Lily had caused.

“What is it?” Remus asked, once he was right by their table. His voice had an endearing hoarseness to it: the sound always made Sirius’ heart skip a beat.

“Here’s the thing,” Lily said in a bold, cheerful voice. “My friend Sirius here-” as she said this, she patted Sirius’ shoulder, “-really loves motorcycles and has heard you own one. Maybe you could give him a ride? It would absolutely make his day.”

Why was Lily making it sound like Sirius was some sick make-a-wish kid? The only thing he suffered from was Dumbass Gay Disorder, which came to light whenever Remus was around.

He lifted his head, only to see Remus smirking at him and Lily.

“Oh, no problem,” Remus answered, chuckling as he turned to Sirius. “That can be arranged.”


	2. motorcycles, gay feelings and ice cream

Remus waited by his motorcycle for Sirius to come. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Hey, Sirius!” Remus waved at him from across the school’s parking lot. Sirius was clearly taken aback and looked around, as if to make sure Remus was really waving at him. 

“Hey,” he said once he was closer to Remus. He looked nervous. Then something seemed to hit him: “How do you know my name?”

Why would Remus not know his name? They had several classes together and even if they had never spoken directly before now, Remus couldn’t help but notice him whenever he spoke in class. He was so smart. 

“We go to the same school, remember?” he teased, answering Sirius’ question. 

He didn’t look convinced. “Don’t tell me you remember the name of everyone at school.”

Remus shrugged. “You’d be surprised,” he said, smiling. 

Sirius’ gaze wandered from him to the bike. “So,” he mumbled. “Where are you taking me?”

Where was he taking him? Remus casually laid a hand on the bike. “Where do you wanna go?” he asked.

“Hmm. Surprise me?” Sirius answered. 

Trying to think of a cool place to go, Remus got up on the bike and started the engine. It roared like a lion, hungry for speed. He turned his head, voice raised to be heard over the engine:

“Hop up!”

Sirius did, obviously careful not to touch Remus more than absolutely necessary. 

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna have to hold on tight or you’ll fall right off,” he said over his shoulder. 

A moment later, Sirius’ arms wrapped around Remus’ waist, closely followed by a tingly feeling in his stomach. 

“Ready?” he called.

“Yeah,” Sirius answered. 

He took off and Sirius yelped, tightening his grip significantly. Remus tried not to dwell on the warm feeling of Sirius’ chest pressed against his back. He focused instead on the wind blowing through his hair - a sensation he was well familiar with. 

-

“You can let go of me now.”

It wasn’t that Remus wanted him to let go - he had actually quite enjoyed being so close throughout the ride, but it seemed strange to just stay that way after he’d stopped the motorcycle. 

He didn’t need to say it twice: Sirius released his tight grip around Remus’ waist and hurried to put some distance between them. 

“Wow,” he breathed, hesitantly allowing Remus to help him down. “That was quite a ride.”

Remus chuckled. “Does that mean you liked it?”

Sirius shrugged. “I have mixed feelings,” he answered. “You might have to take me for another ride before I can decide.” His cheeks went red and a look of regret settled on his face. Clearly desperate for a change of subject, he looked around. “So, you’ve taken me to… a random street? Oh no, is this the part where I disappear under mysterious circumstances?”

Remus laughed. God, Sirius was adorable. “This is no ‘random’ street’,” he told him. “It’s the most important street to mankind and you will soon find out why. Follow me.”

He led Sirius down the nearly hidden alley - the one you would probably walk right past if you didn’t know it was there. If Sirius thought he was being kidnapped and murdered before, this certainly wouldn’t help convince him otherwise. 

The narrow street ended in a cozy, open space, filled with plants and sunlight and cats - it was like a little pocket of joy in the otherwise bleach city. “Ta-daa,” Remus said, gesturing around the small opening.

“Wow!” Sirius smiled as he looked around. “This is the place? It’s so nice!”

“Oh, this isn’t the best part,” Remus said, pointing behind Sirius at the sign that read ‘Johnson’s Creamy Ice Cream’ in pretty cursive letters.

Sirius grinned. “We drove several miles just for ice cream? You know you can get that stuff right by our school, right?”

“Oh, trust me,” Remus told him, walking towards the little shop. “This specific ice cream is worth the trip.”

The owner, an elderly gentleman who seemed to always be smiling, recognized Remus right away. He was, after all, pretty much a regular customer. 

“Remus!” Johnson beamed once he got to the counter. “I see you’ve brought a friend with you! How may I help you, young lads?”

Remus returned the smile. “Just the usual for me, please.”

Sirius seemed to be looking for a menu sign of any sort, but quickly gave up. “I’ll just have the same as him.”’

-

“The usual” was an incredibly over-the-top (but oh so delicious) banana split that made Remus’ mouth water at the very thought. And it seemed he wasn’t the only one.

“Oh, sweet motherfluffer,” Sirius exclaimed after his first bite. “This is the best thing to ever enter my mouth!”

Trying not to laugh at the strange wording, Remus nodded. “I told you!” he said. “It’s worth the ride, isn’t it?”

They were sat at a bench right next to the ice cream shop, sunlight caressing their faces as they both indulged in the delicious dessert. 

“How often do you come here?” Sirius asked, mouth full of ice cream and chocolate-covered banana. 

Remus thought about it for a second. “Definitely more often than my wallet can handle,” he said with a chuckle. “Johnson’s banana split is quite addicting.”

“I have no doubt about it,” Sirius said, laughing. His laugh was so infectious; Remus couldn’t stop a wide grin from spreading across his own face. 

“So…” Sirius seemed a bit hesitant to say whatever he was about to say. “Do you often bring, uhm… other people with you?” he asked. 

Remus shook his head. “I’ve never showed anyone this place before.” 

This seemed to surprise Sirius. “Then why me?” he asked, taken aback. 

Because you make me feel something I’ve never felt for anyone else before. No, he couldn’t say that. “I guess I just felt like this place was too amazing not to be shared.”

“Hm,” Sirius took in another spoonful of ice cream. “Yeah, I agree with that.” 

“Can I ask you a question in return?” Remus asked.

“You just did,” Sirius teased. It was evident that he was gaining more confidence the longer they spent together. “But I’ll allow one more question.”

Remus rolled his eyes theatrically, before turning more serious. “Why did you want me to take you for a ride?”

All that confidence seemed to crash instantly, Sirius’ cheeks turning bright red. “I didn’t,” he mumbled, looking down at his half-eaten ice cream. “I just told Lily that, uhm, I thought your motorcycle looked cool and she… Well, the rest is history, I guess.”

Sirius didn’t look at him for the rest of the time while they were finishing eating their ice creams and Remus wanted to punch himself for ruining the mood. 

Once they were both done, and about to get up from the bench, he’d finally gathered enough courage:

“Hey, er, I was wondering…”

Sirius looked at him. Finally. “Yeah?”

Was Remus actually nervous? No, that was bullshit, Remus didn’t get nervous like this. It certainly wasn’t very badass of him. 

“Well,” he started, looking at the empty ice cream cup in his hands instead of at Sirius. “It’s, you know… I’ve noticed that you’re… really smart. Like, you’re at the top of all our classes, pretty much.”

He could imagine Sirius was blushing. To be fair, he probably was, too. “You’re not far behind me,” Sirius muttered.

That was true, for the most part.

“I’m pretty close to failing French,” Remus mumbled. It was only half a lie. He wasn’t doing as great in French class as he would like, but he still managed a passing grade. “So, well.. I was just wondering if you’d help me at some point? Maybe we could study together sometime?”

He finally got himself together enough to look at Sirius, who had a look of surprise on his face, grey eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. 

“Really?” 

Remus shrugged. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, of course,” he hurried to say. “I’m sure you’re busy, anyway.”

Sirius shook his head. “Not really, actually,” he said. “We can study in the library, if you’d like. Perhaps tomorrow after class.”

“You’re a fucking life saver,” Remus said, beaming at him. “It’s a date, then!”

He only realized the meaning in his words when he saw Sirius’ startled look. “I mean, not that kind of date, obviously,” he hurried to add. “I just mean, you know-”

Sirius nodded. “I know what you mean,” he told him. If Remus didn’t know better, he’d say Sirius looked disappointed.


	3. the language of love

“How’d it go?” 

Lily didn’t even let Sirius get to his locker before starting the interrogation about yesterday.

Sirius pushed past her: his books were too heavy to carry for more than a few minutes. “It went well,” he said. “We got ice cream.”

Lily leaned against the locker next to him. “That’s so romantic!” she squealed. “And what else? Spare no detail.”

“Nothing else, really,” Sirius said, dumping his pile of books in his locker and closing it. “Except he asked me to study with him today.”

Before he could brace himself, Lily’s hands were on his shoulders and she was shaking him back and forth. “Sirius!” she exclaimed. “Why didn’t you lead with that?!”

He pushed her back, struggling to keep her hands off him. “Damn, Lily! Keep it in your pants!”

“Sirius, don’t you realize how great this is?!” she persisted. “You’re going on a date with the guy you’ve been crushing on forever!”

“Keep your voice down, will ya?” he hissed, glancing around to check that no one had heard them. “It’s not a date.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. You’ll just be platonically studying together. Sure.”

“We study together all the time,” Sirius reminded her. “Are you saying that means we’re dating?”

“Sirius, you’re literally gay.”

Sirius crossed his arms, huffing in annoyance. “All I’m saying is your logic is flawed,” he mumbled. “He specifically made it clear that it wasn’t a date.”

“What will you be studying anyway?” Lily asked, clearly not giving up.

“French.”

Sirius wasn’t looking at her but he very clearly heard her loud gasp. “French? Sirius, that’s the most romantic language! Le langue de l’amour!” she exclaimed in a bad french accent. 

“I don’t have time for this,” Sirius said, getting out his History textbook and walking down the hallway to get to class. “Your french is terrible!” he called after Lily, not turning around.

“Oh, don’t be such a baguette!” she responded. That didn’t even make sense, Sirius thought, rolling his eyes. 

-

Remus was waiting for him at the library. Sirius felt his heartbeat quicken as he approached the table Remus had claimed for them. 

“Hey,” he said, sounding much more confident than he felt.

“Hey.” Remus smiled, drawing out the chair next to him. 

Sirius sat down, dumping his backpack by his feet, “Are you ready to learn some French?”

He got out the textbook, as well as his computer, from the backpack and laid them on the table in front of them. 

Remus nodded. “I hope you have patience,” he said with a smile. “‘Cause I’m really terrible.”

“Don’t worry,” Sirius assured him. “It’s fine, we’ll just take it slow. So, what are you struggling with?”

He watched as Remus flipped through the pages of the textbook, before stopping on a page. “These tenses are so confusing to me,” he admitted. “What on earth is passé compossé and how do I use it?”

As Sirius began explaining, he felt his nerves loosen. He’d worried this would be incredibly awkward, but it actually felt quite natural.

“How come you’re so good at French?” Remus asked after a while.

Sirius chuckled. “My family is from France,” he told him. “We moved here when I was just a kid.”

“Do you miss it there?” Remus asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t really remember much, to be honest.”

“I see.” 

They sat in silence for a while, but it was the good kind of silence. Not exactly comfortable, but… not awkward either. It was like they were waiting for the other to say something they were both too afraid to say.

Finally, Sirius broke the silence by clearing his throat. “Do you wanna continue?” he asked, nodding towards the open textbook. 

Remus nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I just have, uhm… a question first.”

“Oh?”

He shifted nervously in his chair before asking: “How do you say ‘I think you’re really cute and I like you a lot’ in French?”

“Je pense que…” Sirius trailed off, looking up at Remus as the words really registered in his mind. “Wait, what?”

Remus bit his lip, smiling as he looked down. “There’s this person i like,” he admitted. “And I wanna tell them.”

Oh. Remus liked someone… Sirius felt his heart sink. “Why do you wanna tell them in French?” he asked.

“Well, it’s the most romantic language, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” Sirius muttered. “I don’t speak all the languages in the world, so I wouldn’t know.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Can you please just tell me how to say it?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sirius said. “For a more accurate translation, do you mean cute as in ‘adorable’ or ‘good-looking’?”

“Both?” Remus said, smiling. Sirius wanted to leave. The person who could make Remus Lupin smile like that had to be really special. They probably deserved him more than Sirius did, anyway. 

“Well,” he said, to answer Remus’ question. “I guess you could say something along the lines of ‘je pense que tu es tres beau’… or belle, if it’s a girl,” he added. “‘et je t’aime beaucoup’.”

Remus nodded, turning in his chair to face him more directly. “Hey, Sirius?” he said. “Uhm, je… tu es… oh, fuck it. Je t’aime.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, you can just say that to them if the whole thing is too much,” he reassured him.

“I just did,” Remus said. “I like you, Sirius.”

Oh. Wait, what? No, that couldn’t be. “What- what do you mean?” Sirius stammered, heart hammering in his chest. He must have misheard Remus, it couldn’t be. 

“Do I really need to spell it out for you?” Remus leaned forward over the table, his face so close to Sirius’ he could feel his breath and smell the spearmint from his gum. A moment later, he could also taste it, as Remus pressed his lips to his own. 

Sirius had never been kissed before. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about what it would feel like to kiss Remus, but this was better than anything he could have imagined. Once the shock was over, he kissed Remus back: it was easier than he’d thought, almost like a natural force was guiding his lips, then also guiding his hands to Remus’ curly hair. 

They broke apart, only to catch their breath.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered. He wouldn’t have heard them if their faces hadn’t been so close.

“Yeah?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Sirius sat up straight in his chair. “Really?” he asked. “You want to be my boyfriend?”

Remus chuckled. “I literally just kissed you,” he said.

“Yeah.” Sirius nodded. “Do it again, please.”

“Answer my question first,” Remus demanded. 

“Of course I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said, seizing Remus by his shirt to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all should know that after this chapter, it's not gonna stay cute and fluffy (i know i already said so a few times but i just wanted to inform y'all this is when it gets a bit more angsty)


	4. kiss your love goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a trigger warning:
> 
> sirius' parents and abusive, homophobic shitbags and while there isn't anything clear or explicit in this chapter (such as violence or slurs) it's still kind of in the general... vibe, i guess. and it might become more blatant in later chapters so just be careful if these things are triggering to you.

Walking down the hallway holding Remus’ hand felt fucking _amazing_. 

Sirius tried to act casual, like this was perfectly normal for him, but he couldn’t stop the nervous thoughts going through his head. Were people staring at them? Was Sirius being weird about it? Did his sweaty palms gross Remus out?

He knew it was ridiculous. Why couldn’t he just focus on the fact that he was actually for real dating Remus Lupin. This wasn’t a dream. He’d made sure multiple times. 

“Pinch me,” he’d said to Lily last night after getting home. “I must be dreaming.”

Lily’s laughter had sounded funny through the phone. “Sirius, you dumbass, this is a phone call. Pinch yourself.” 

Sirius had done so, and he hadn’t woken up. It really was real. He was dating Remus Fucking Lupin. 

“I have English now,” Sirius said, opening his locker to get his textbook. “But I’ll see you later?”

Remus stood beside him, casually leaning against the lockers. He nodded. “Do you want to sit together at lunch?” he asked.

What kind of question was that? Of course he wanted to sit together at lunch. “That depends,” he answered. “Can Lily sit with us too?”

“Of course.”

“Then yes,” Sirius answered, closing his locker and turning to face Remus. He was startled by how close he was standing. Blushing, he clutched his books tightly against his chest. “Oh, hi,” he mumbled. What a dumb thing to say, he thought, blushing even more. 

Remus chuckled. “I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable,” he said, leaning in so only Sirius could hear him. “But can I kiss you?”

The thought of kissing Remus, right there in the hallway where everyone could see them, scared Sirius for sure. But he knew he needed to stop worrying about what other people would think, and do whatever he wanted (that was what Remus did and he admired him for it). Heart racing, he leaning in and kissed Remus - if Remus wasn’t bent down a little, he would’ve had to stand on his toes. “See you at lunch,” he said, cheeks reddening even more as he walked away. 

-

“You guys are so cute together!” Lily had completely abandoned her tuna sandwich, choosing to spend her entire lunch break gushing over Sirius and Remus. “I can’t believe my OTP is finally canon! That usually never happens.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, looking up from his and Remus’ intertwined hands. “Lily, we’re real people. You can’t just talk about us like we’re your favourite fictional charactes,” he told her, exchanging an amused look with Remus. “However much you’d like it, our life is not a book.”

Lily stuck out her tongue at him, before turning to Remus. “We need to find a ship name for you guys,” she said.

Remus raised one eyebrow at her. He looked so fucking good when he did that. “A what?”

“A ship name!” Lily repeated excitedly. “Sirius plus Remus… Sirimus? Rerius? No, those sound dumb.”

While Lily tried to find an appropriate ship name for the two - she made a mindmap and everything - Sirius and Remus talked.

“What are you doing after school?” Remus asked.

Sirius bit his lip. His parents had texted him to come home right after school, no detours or “funny business”, whatever the hell that meant. “I don’t know,” he said with a shrug.

“Want to do something together, then? We can go for a ride on my-”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius interrupted him. “But my parents told me to come home right when school has ended… so I can’t today.” He didn’t want to disappoint Remus, but he knew too well the consequences of not doing as his parents said.

He was relieved when Remus smiled. “Another time, then?” he suggested. 

Sirius nodded. 

-

He could feel, as soon as he stepped inside the hallway, that something wasn’t right. It was too quiet. At least until his mother’s sharp voice cut through the air like a knife: “Sirius. In here. _Now_.”

It came from one of their lounging rooms, the one closest by. Trying to breathe steadily past the lump in his throat, Sirius kicked off his sneakers and walked down the hallway to his parents.

Regulus was in there too, sitting on the expensive couch with his hands in his lap. He seemed to be looking anywhere but at Sirius.

His parents, who were on each their lush red armchair, looked at him with the same ice-gold glare.

“You didn’t tell us about your… _boyfriend_ ,” his mother spat. “I had to hear about that from your brother.”

By the mention of himself, Regulus sank further down, like he wished he could disappear entirely.

Sirius looked from his parents to Regulus, a feeling of horror seizing him as the words sank in. “No,” he said, frantically shaking his head. “I don’t have a- That’s not true!”

“Don’t waste your breath trying to deny it,” his father said. “I didn’t raise you to be a liar. And I certainly didn’t raise you to be…” He trailed off, making a disgusted face but he didn’t have to finish his sentence for Sirius to know what he meant. 

“I’m not!” Sirius said. “Remus is just a friend, I swear-”

“Don’t use that tone with your father!” His mother stood up, lightning in her cold grey eyes. “Whomever this boy is, he’s leading you down the wrong path. A bad influence. Thankfully, it won’t be an issue anymore,” she said. “You won’t be seeing him again.”

Sirius swallowed, quietly nodding. He knew not to fight with his parents. Though that didn't mean he had to _listen_. How could they know what he did at school, after all? He’d just have to be more careful, not kiss Remus in the middle of the hallway like he’d done earlier that day. Then there’d be no way for them to know he was still seeing him. “Of course, mother,” he said, bowing his head. “I’ll stay away from him.”

“That’s not what your mother meant,” his father said. Sirius didn’t like the look of satisfaction on both his parents’ faces. “You - along with the rest of our family - won’t be staying here much longer. Go upstairs and pack your things.”

Sirius looked between his parents, trying to understand what they were saying. “What do you mean?” he asked, in a tone he usually wouldn’t dare use at home. “Where are going?”

“We’re moving back to France,” his mother said, in a matter-of-factly tone. “You can say goodbye to your so-called friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to personally fight sirius' parents tbh.
> 
> thanks for reading! kudos, comments, all that jazz, are very appreciated!


	5. hopelessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe i'm making my babies suffer like this... oh well, enjoy! :D

“Hey, Sirius, I… I don’t know why I keep calling, it’s not like you’re going to pick up, but… I don’t understand what happened. Won’t you at least explain it to me? I feel like you at least owe me an explanation. Just call me back, please.”

Remus sighed, letting the phone fall onto his lap. He didn’t understand what had happened between him and Sirius. Everything had been so perfect and then suddenly he got a text. A _text_. Apparently he wasn’t even worthy of a call, in Sirius’ mind.

He knew he shouldn’t, knew it would hurt him, but Remus picked up his phone to open his messages with Sirius once again. He’d read the message so many times he practically knew it by heart, but it still hurt:

‘ _We can’t be together. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is. I’m breaking up with you_.’

Below that, there were several messages from Remus asking why, begging Sirius to respond, but he hadn’t. And he wasn’t going to, Remus just knew it. He didn’t want to confront Sirius at school the following day, but he needed answers. He needed to know why Sirius was being such an asshole all of a sudden. 

-

Sirius wasn’t at school. Remus looked around, feeling uneasy. Was Sirius too nervous to face him after the text? No, Remus shouldn’t make this about himself. There could be plenty of reasons why he wasn't turning up. Still, it was a strange coincidence. 

Someone poked his arm. He turned around, thinking it was going to be him, but it wasn’t.

“Lily, hey.” He tried putting on a smile, but was fairly certain he still looked pathetic and… tired. He hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. 

Lily looked as uneasy as he felt. “Have you heard from Sirius?” she asked.

A laugh escaped Remus, dry and choked-out, but still a laugh. “Yeah, I’ve heard from him,” he answered, leaning against his locker. “When he broke up with me.”

“Oh, something is definitely wrong,” Lily muttered. “He messaged me last night, said we weren’t friends anymore. That he’s moving to France and doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore. And now he won’t answer my texts” She paused, and it was only now Remus saw the tears in her eyes. “Something _has_ to be wrong,” she said, clearly on the verge of crying. Remus wanted to offer her some sort of comfort but he didn’t know how. “He’s my best friend, Remus, he would never do something like this.”

“Well, he did,” Remus mumbled, looking down at the floor. 

Lily shook her head. “You don’t understand,” she said. “He wouldn’t just do that! And he wouldn’t break up with you either! You guys have only been together for, like, two days and I’ve already had to listen to him gush about you for hours! If he liked you that much, why would he throw that away?”

“It doesn’t make sense to me either!” Remus exclaimed. He leaned his head against the locker, letting out a sigh of exhaustion. “I… I thought what he and I had was special.”

“It was,” Lily said. “It _is_ , Remus.” She pulled at his arm, forcing him to look at her, and with the sincerest look in her eyes she told him, “Something is very wrong. I think Sirius is in trouble.”

-

Some light turbulence roused Sirius from his state of half-sleep. His mind was foggy. Why was he on a plane?

Oh, of course. Because his parents were literal fucking monsters. He kept his eyes on the small window, showing nothing but a blue sky and a blanket of fluffy clouds beneath them.

“Sirius?” The hesitant voice belonged to his brother, sitting in the seat next to him. 

“Leave me alone.” The ice in Sirius’ voice was quite impressive, he thought, a coldness to match his parents’. 

Regulus didn’t give up: “Please, I know you’re mad but I just wanna explain-”

“I said leave me the fuck alone!” Amazing how quickly ice could turn to fire. Sirius turned in his seat, away from Regulus, wishing he could put a wall between them. 

It was all his fault, Regulus’. If he hadn’t told their parents about Remus, none of this would’ve happened. Things would still have been that unbelievable, almost fairy tale-like good that it had been just yesterday. Well, in honesty Sirius didn’t know if his parents had planned on moving to Paris before-hand. It wasn’t exactly the kind of decision people normally made just like that, but then again: he knew his parents, and the lengths they would go to, to show who had control, weren’t normal.

They had taken his bloody phone. Taken it right out of his hand, just like that. He’d barely had time to write to Remus and Lily. What did they think of him now? Did they both hate him? He’d been blunt, and not exactly pleasant, in his messages to them (on his parents’ command), but they had to know he didn’t mean it… Right?

Sirius was glad no one but the clouds could see the tears pooling in his eyes. This was all so hopeless. So bloody hopeless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're liking this so far, please consider leaving a comment. it's really motivating and just means a lot in general.


	6. trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, a huge thanks to the people who leave/have left comments on this! i'm sorry for not replying to them, but basically it makes me anxious cause i never know if i'm supposed to, ya know? anyway, i just wanted to let you all know that every single comment is highly appreciated <3
> 
> also please note: my french really isn't great so for the sake of not making any french-speaking people die of cringe, i'm going to keep everything in english. but just know that the dialogue in italics is spoken in french.
> 
> and now a trigger warning for this chapter: sirius' parents continue to be fucking terrible and in this one there is some actual physical abuse as well.

Staying with his aunt, uncle and their three daughters in the south of France was like Sirius’ worst nightmare come true. Not only because his cousins were horrible - except for Andromeda, but she was rarely around - his parents were being stricter and more controlling than ever. They hadn’t given him back his phone. He had no way of connecting with the outside world. 

Sirius missed Lily. He missed having someone to joke with, someone keeping him sane. And Remus… Thinking of him hurt, more than any physical pain ever could. The fact that Remus probably hated him now was too much to bear. 

Did Remus remember the good times the two of them had shared with the same bittersweet fondness as Sirius did, or were the happy memories overruled by what Sirius (unwillingly) did? Did Remus even think of him at all? That was perhaps the scariest thought for Sirius: Perhaps Remus didn’t care. Perhaps he had already moved on. 

Three loud knocks on his bedroom door startled Sirius. “Aunt Druella said to get you,” his brother called from outside the door. “You have to eat dinner with the rest of us.”

Sirius would rather starve than have dinner with his family. He hated all of them. His own brother had betrayed him, his parents were terrible to him and his snobby aunt and uncle liked to follow suit. And his cousins. Narcissa was as stuck up and snobby as her parents. Bellatrix liked to taunt him, trying the best she could to get a reaction out of him so he would get in even more trouble.

Still, despite all of this, Sirius left his room for once and made his way to the dining room. It was difficult to find in the house that was even bigger than his own. 

“ _You’re late,”_ his mother spat at him when he finally took a seat at the huge, fancy table.

“I know,” he spat back, knowing his defiance would be punished later. 

His aunt scowled at him, making an annoyed comment about how anyone stepping foot in her house were expected to speak French. 

“Sure,” Sirius replied in English, just to annoy her, as he reached for the food set out on the table. 

" _Don't you disrespect me like that!_ " his aunt hissed threateningly. 

Sirius stood up, knocking over the plate in front of him. The hot soup splattered all over the table, but he didn’t care. “Or what?” he asked his aunt, voice echoing through the big house. “What are you gonna do?”

Never had he seen someone look so indignated. Not even his parents could make a face like the one his aunt Druella was making right then. Before anyone could say anything to him, Sirius ran off, locking himself in his room once again. 

-

Remus’ phone buzzed. It was a text from Lily.

**Lily:** Have you heard from Sirius?

**Remus:** no. you?

**Lily:** No… We gotta figure out how to help him

**Remus:** who says he even needs help? maybe he’s just decided he’s too good for us peasants

A moment later, an incoming call from Lily. Remus really didn’t feel like talking to anyone but he picked up anyway.

“How dare you, Remus?” Lily sounded angry. Or perhaps just frustrated. Remus didn’t blame her.

“Look,” he mumbled. “I’m not saying that this isn’t weird, or that we shouldn’t try to help if he really is in trouble-” he began, but Lily interrupted him:

“You don’t know him like I do.” It sounded like she was on the verge of tears. “He wouldn’t do something like this! _Never_.”

Remus sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. “No,” he mumbled. “Of course not, Lily, I’m sorry.”

There was a long pause before Lily spoke again. “I’m not resting before I know he’s okay.” 

Remus understood her concern, he really did. But scarier almost to him, was the idea that maybe Sirius wasn’t in trouble. Maybe he was absolutely fine. The thought that perhaps he’d broken up with Remus and cut off contact simply because he didn' t want to be with him. Had he regretted agreeing to be his boyfriend? Did he regret those moments they spent together? The moments that, to Remus at least, were so special and wonderful? These were selfish thoughts, and he hated himself for even thinking them but… _what if?_

-

A way out. Sirius felt his heartbeat quicken just from the idea.

If he could get into his parents' bedroom and find his phone, he’d be able to call someone who could do something. Even if Lily, or anyone else, couldn’t help him, he could steal a bit of money, book a plane ticket and _run_. This was an insane idea but Sirius knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle staying with his so-called family much longer. 

His jaw was bruising up from where his father had hit him: after dinner, he’d come into Sirius’ room. He hadn’t said anything, just hit him, but Sirius had gotten the message loud and clear. 

He waited for both of his parents to leave their room for tea with Cygnus and Druella, before entering the room.

Where would his parents have hidden his phone? He looked around. The room was quite big, with lots of hiding spaces, so he’d have to hurry if he wanted to find it before getting caught.

As quietly as he could, he started opening drawers, cupboards, anything that could possibly be hiding his phone. Finally, in a drawer in his mother's nightstand, he found it. 

A feeling of euphoria overwhelmed him and he had to suppress the urge to shout triumphantly as he picked up the phone and typed the password and… now what? Lily. He had to text Lily. 

But what? What could he say? ‘Help’? Actually, that _did_ seem like a good place to start. But before he could even find her in his contacts, he heard a voice behind him:

“ _What are you doing_?!”

He spun around. _Bellatrix_. She looked from him to the phone in his hands with a vicious grin. “ _Oh_ ,” she said, cackling - yes, actually cackling like a bloody witch. “ _You’re going to get in so much trouble for this_.”


	7. make things right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaa guys i'm so sorry this has taken so long! i have been struggling to find motivation lately which is kinda scary cause writing is my passion! i hope you can all be patient with me aah
> 
> (litte side-note: reg kinda insults france in this chapter, and i feel like i need to apologize to french people xD from what i know your country is pretty cool, this is regulus' opinion, not mine!)

Regulus wanted to smash his head against a wall. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t been a bloody rat, they wouldn’t be in this shit house, or this shit country, and most importantly, Sirius wouldn’t hate him. 

Regulus deserved all of this, he knew he did. But Sirius? Sirius didn’t deserve any of this bullshit.

Fuck, the look on his face when their mother had thrown his phone on the floor and shattered it with the heel of her shoe. The way Sirius' last hope was shattered along with the phone... 

Regulus knew he had to make things right. 

Sirius didn’t move, or look up, when Regulus pushed the door open and entered his room. He just kept staring at the ceiling, a look of absolute hopelessness in his eyes.

“Sirius,” Regulus said, in an attempt to grab his attention. He’d known it wasn’t going to work. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his own phone. “Here,” he said, holding it out towards Sirius. “You can use this. To contact your friends or whatever.”

His heart was in his throat. If his parents found out he was helping Sirius…

“Get away from me, Reg.” Sirius’ voice was hoarse, like he’d been crying. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I want no part in it.”

“I’m not playing at anything,” Regulus said. “I’m trying to-”

“Oh, really?” Sirius finally sat up and looked at him. “So you’re telling me you just _suddenly_ decided you want to help undo the shit you caused in the first place?”

Regulus wished Sirius would keep his voice down. Their parents were gonna hear him and then they'd both get in trouble.

“You don’t have to forgive me,” Regulus said in a quiet voice. “But I _am_ trying to help you. C’mon, just take the phone.”

Sirius shook his head. The look in his eyes made Regulus’ stomach clench. “You really think I’m going to _trust you_?” Sirius asked resentfully. “You really think I’m that fucking stupid?”

Regulus swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Sirius…” he mumbled. 

“No,” Sirius said. “Get out!” 

Regulus did. 

-

_**Regulus:** Hey, you’re friends with Lupin, aren’t you?_

Regulus furrowed his brow, finger hovering over the send-button. Would he even get a reply? Frank, like all of his classmates, had always thought he was a weirdo. The only reason he had his number was because of a group project last year. But he’d definitely seen him with Lupin before, so the chances of him having Lupin’s number were quite big, and if Regulus could get in contact with Lupin, he would be able to help Sirius. 

_**Frank:** hey? who’s this?_

_**Regulus:** It’s me, Regulus. We had History together last year?_

_**Frank:** oh right i remember. why are you messaging me?_

_**Regulus:** I need to ask a favour. Do you have Lupin’s number?_

_**Frank:** remus lupin? yeah i have his number. why do you need it tho?_

_**Regulus:** I just need to talk to him about something._

_**Regulus:** It’s school-related._

_**Frank:** hmm okay sure. i’ll send it. 2 sec_

Regulus sighed in relief. That was certainly easier than he’d expected…

-

Remus’ phone buzzed: An incoming call from a number he didn’t know. With an annoyed sigh, he paused the show he’d been watching and took the call, preparing to hang up immediately if it turned out to be a scammer or anything of the sort.

“...Hello?”

“Lupin?” the voice in the other end asked. “Remus Lupin?”

The voice sounded familiar, but Remus couldn’t quite remember where he’d heard it before.

“Who wants to know?” he asked, feeling a bit ridiculous. What a dumb question.

There was quiet for a second on the other end, before the answer finally came: “Regulus.”

Remus definitely recognized that name. _Regulus_. That was…

“I’m Sirius’ brother.”

_Oh!_

Remus sat up straight, opening his mouth to say something but not sure what he should say. “Is… is he okay?”

He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he heard Regulus sigh.

“He’s… Well, the point is he shouldn’t be here.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked. “Please tell me what’s going on. Why did he leave all of a sudden?”

“He didn’t!” Regulus answered. 

“Yeah, he-”

“Not because he wanted to, Lupin. It’s… it’s my fault, okay? I told our parents about you and him, that’s why they made him cut off ties with you. I heard them talk about it, and… Well, basically they think that you’ve turned him, you know… _that way_.”

Oh…

“That’s bullshit,” Remus said, blood boiling. He was angry, not just with Sirius’ parents but with himself. He should’ve believed Lily when she said something was wrong.

“I know,” Regulus agreed. “That’s why he can’t stay here.”

He was right, Remus knew he was. Thinking about Sirius being trapped with parents who didn’t accept him, who didn’t seem to even care about him… Remus knew he couldn’t let him stay there. “What are you suggesting?” he asked.

-

“Lily. Lily!”

Remus had to half-run through the hallway to get to her.

When Lily heard him, she turned around, looking at him with a puzzled face. “What’s up?” she asked.

“It’s about Sirius.”

These words made Lily’s eyes widen. “Have you heard from him?” she asked eagerly. 

“Not directly,” Remus told her, glancing around them. The hallway was packed with students rushing to get to class. “We need to talk. Can you meet me after class?”

Lily shook her head. “Remus, if you have news about Sirius we can’t wait til after class. You’re telling me this _now_.” She grabbed his arm and marched stubbornly through the hallway, in the opposite direction of their classrooms. Quite suddenly, she took a turn, opening a door and pulling them both into a bathroom.

Remus looked at the sign. “Lily, this is the girl’s bathroom,” he said.

“Great observation.”

“...And I’m not a girl.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I _know_ , Remus. I thought you were such a bad boy?”

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Lily held up a finger to silence him.

“You said you knew something about Sirius,” she reminded him.

“Right.” Remus nodded. “His brother called me last night.”

He told Lily everything that Regulus had told him last night. She looked upset, but not surprised. 

“Fuck,” she said when he was done talking. “We have to do something… But what?”

Remus had already thought about that. He pulled out his phone, gesturing for Lily to look.

“Plane tickets to France are relatively cheap,” he said, pulling up the page with the tickets he’d looked at. “We can leave already this weekend. We just have to buy another return ticket for Sirius.”

“What?” Lily looked at him. “Remus, we can’t just get on a plane like that! And how are we even going to _find_ Sirius?”

“I have the address,” Remus said. “Regulus sent it to me. And getting a cab from the airport to his house shouldn’t a problem either.”

Lily shook her head. “This is insane,” she said. “Say we do get to the house. What are we gonna do then? His parents aren’t just gonna _let_ us take him with us back to England!”

“Guess we’ll have to sneak him out of the house, then.”

“Remus,” Lily said. “Are you seriously suggesting we fly to France, sneak Sirius out of his house against his parents’ will and fly him back to England?”

Remus nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m suggesting.”

“It’s insane.”

“I know,” Remus told her.

Lily sighed, looking at the plane tickets on Remus’ phone for an awfully long time, before suddenly taking the phone out of his hand. “Okay,” she said, clicking on the “purchase” button for the two tickets. “Let’s do it.”


	8. things will be okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the very last chapter! i'm sorry you had to wait so long for this one. i hope it was worth the wait c:

The plane was crammed and uncomfortable, but Remus barely took notice of that. He bounced his leg impatiently, constantly checking the time. The flight from London to France was only about two hours, but it felt like an eternity.

“Remus,” Lily said in a hushed voice. “Please, sit still? Bouncing your leg like that won’t make time go faster.”

“I know,” Remus mumbled. “Sorry.” 

Part of him still couldn’t believe they were actually doing this; flying to France all by themselves, getting Sirius back to England against his parents’ wishes… Would they have to sneak him out of the house? They probably would, right? He still didn’t have a clue how they were going to manage it without getting caught. But they had to try. He couldn’t bear the thought of Sirius being stuck there, alone. 

He’d been dozing off when he felt the plane shake, and when he looked outside the window, they were on the ground. 

“Come on,” he said, watching impatiently as people started getting up and slowly, _so slowly_ , made their way towards the exit. 

They got a taxi to the address Regulus had texted them. Since both of them were terrible at French, they had just shown the driver the message and trusted he was taking them to the right place. 

“So,” Lily said. “What are we going to do once we get there?”

Remus chewed on his lower lip. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess we’ll have to figure it out when we arrive.” 

Lily let out a shaky breath. “This could go wrong in so many ways,” she whispered.

Remus nodded. “Should we… text Regulus?” he asked. “I think we need his help if this is to succeed.”

He felt a bit guilty. Surely Regulus was putting himself at risk by helping them. But maybe they could bring him with them. Yes, on second thought, they definitely should do that. 

Lily nodded. “Yeah, text him.” 

-

“Sirius-”

“Leave.”

Regulus bit his lip anxiously, looking over his shoulder. This part of the house was empty for now. His mother and aunt were having tea in the formal living room, and his cousins were upstairs preparing for some party. “Sirius,” he tried again. “I know I’m the last person you want to talk to right now, but you have to listen to me.” 

Remus had, in his message, stressed the importance of being right on time. If anyone noticed the taxi parked outside, or him and Sirius getting into it, this would all flop.

“You’re right,” Sirius said, and a sliver of hope blossomed in Regulus’s chest. “You _are_ the last person I want to talk to right now. Get the fuck out of my room.” 

Oh. Regulus shook his head, ignoring Sirius’ request and quietly closing the door behind him. “No, listen,” he said. “Sirius, I can get you out of here.” 

Sirius turned around to look at him. “What are you on about?”

“I can get you, or both of us, back to England,” Regulus whispered, heart pounding in his chest. He knew the chance of anyone hearing him was slim, but if it happened…

Sirius shook his head like he didn’t dare believe what Regulus was saying. “No, you can’t,” he said. “Why would you say that, you dickhead? To get my hopes up?”

“No, Sirius, please keep your voice down,” Regulus hissed. He pulled out his phone to show Sirius the message from Remus. “Look. Your friends are on their way here right now. They’re going to get you home. And, well, they said I could come too.” 

He watched as Sirius stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. “What?” he whispered. “They… But how do they know where we are?” 

Regulus felt a sense of pride as he told Sirius how he’d tracked down Remus, and everything that had come after that. He sighed, looking down at his hands. “I know I fucked up,” he mumbled. “When I told mum and dad about you and him… The thing is, I didn’t want to tell them. I was scared and I just wanted their approval for once, so I threw you under the bus. I guess I didn’t think about the consequences it would have for you. I’m really sor-” He was interrupted by his phone pinging. It was another message from Remus. “Shit.” He looked at Sirius, who had a strangely disoriented look on his face, like he was still trying to make sense of what was happening. “Alright, they’re close now. We have to be ready when they come, alright? Sirius, do you understand how important this is?”

Sirius nodded. “I can’t believe you did this for me,” he whispered.

Regulus shrugged. “I had to make things right. I hated myself for putting you in this position in the first place… I sort of took your whole life away from you. But you’re getting it back now, yeah? And, well… Maybe you and I can start over?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “Of course we can, Reg.” 

They spotted the taxi at the same time and both stood up, looking at each other in the same frantic way. 

“Okay,” Regulus said. “We just have to slip out of here unnoticed-”

Their hope was punctured by footsteps - the sharp and loud footsteps of someone wearing heels - coming down the hallway. “ _Boys_!” Their aunt Druella cried in French. “ _Come and help with dinner!_ ”

Regulus swore under his breath. Any minute she would see the taxi parked outside, and their escape plan would go to shambles. No, he couldn’t let that happen. 

“I’ll distract her,” he whispered to Sirius. “You go, okay? Don’t worry about me.” 

Sirius shook his head. “Reg, no, I’m not leaving you in this hellhole,” he whispered back. 

Their aunt’s footsteps were steadily approaching. 

“Sirius, we don’t have time for this. Please, this is your one chance to get out of here and back to the life I almost took away from you.” 

“ _Boys! Now!_ ” 

“ _I’m coming, auntie!_ ” Regulus responded in French. He looked back at Sirius one more time. “Don’t be a fool,” he said, before slipping out of the door to meeting his aunt in the hallway. 

-

Sirius felt like he was going to throw up. Out of the window, he could see the taxi, waiting to take him away from this place. But in order to escape, he would have to leave his brother behind. His brother, who was sacrificing himself so that Sirius could get away…

From outside the door, he could hear Reg and aunt Druella talking in French. 

“ _Your brother isn’t coming?_ ”

“ _No, madame_ ,” Regulus responded. “ _He’s feeling a bit under the weather._ ” 

“ _He is not!_ ” She almost growled. “ _That lazy bastard just wants to lie around all day doing nothing. I will go in there myself and drag him out by the-_ ”

“ _Oh, auntie, don’t bother,_ ” Regulus said, a frantic edge to his voice. “ _He’s a terrible cook, anyway. I will be all the help you need.”_

Sirius listened, heart in his throat, to their voices growing fainter as they walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. This was his chance. But would he really be able to forgive himself if he left without Regulus?

_Don't be a fool_ , his brother’s voice echoed in his head. Reg was right, it would be foolish not to go when he finally had the chance. The thought of hugging Lily, of seeing Remus again, of finally feeling safe and loved… It tugged at his heart, leading him out the door. 

With every step towards freedom, he kept thinking someone was going to see him and drag him back to his room, but suddenly he was out of the front door and he could see Lily and Remus’ faces from the taxi as he ran towards them. 

The first thing he felt once he was inside was Lily’s arms around him. The second thing was the tears, rolling down his face in uncontrolled amounts. He buried his face in Lily’s hair, hoping neither of them could see him cry. 

“Where’s Regulus?” Lily asked. 

“He’s… He couldn’t.” Sirius shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts. “Maybe if we wait he’ll be able to sneak out…”

“Sirius, love, I’m sorry,” Lily whispered. “But we can’t do that. It’s risky enough being here as it is, we really can’t afford to wait around. I’m so sorry.” 

Sirius shrugged. “ _Drive, then_ ,” he muttered to the taxi driver, who seemed happy that someone was finally speaking proper French. 

For the first time since getting in the taxi, he looked at Remus. And as soon as he did, he regretted it. What did you say to someone who you had undoubtedly hurt, even if you didn’t mean to, and who had - despite that - flown all the way to another country just to save your ass? Sirius certainly didn’t know, so he kept his mouth shut, looking out of the window, instead. The houses were passing by so quickly, each one putting him further and further away from that hellhole - but from Regulus, too. 

The relief of being free mixed with the guilt of leaving his brother behind, to form a bittersweet cocktail that made him slightly nauseous. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cold window. 

“Sirius… Do you wanna talk to us?” Lily asked. “We understand if you’d rather have some space right now but… Well, you’ve obviously been through a lot, and we’re here if you want to talk about any of it.” 

He shrugged, keeping his eyes shut. He wasn’t sure what he would even say. Sure, it had been shit, but that was about all there was to say about it. And of course, he felt like a terrible person for leaving Regulus behind but what could he do about it now? Nothing, there was nothing he could do…

-

Being at the airport felt absolutely surreal. Sirius partly expected his parents - or even the police? - to come after him and drag him back there… But nothing happened. After going through security, the three of them just sat there, on a mildly uncomfortable bench, none of them saying anything. He could feel Lily and Remus’ eyes on him, though. Mildly uncomfortable with all the concern he was being shown, he kept his eyes on the ground. 

“I need to use the bathroom,” Lily said, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

That left Sirius and Remus alone together for the first time since… fuck, since the afternoon in the library. Sirius glanced sideways. 

Remus was looking ahead of them, at the people rushing through the airport. His hair was a mess, but in an endearing sort of way, curls falling everywhere. He was wearing the same leather jacket he’d been wearing the last time they saw each other. Sirius was having a hard time looking away. 

Remus must've felt his eyes on him, because he turned to look at him. Per reflex, Sirius quickly looked away, blush spreading in his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. 

“What for?” Remus asked. 

Sirius sighed. “I don’t know?”

For ruining what they had, mostly. In a way, Sirius did know it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t choose for his parents to find out, or for them to spontaneously decide to move to France. But he could’ve been more careful. And even after he had screwed up, and after he had left Remus with nothing but a shitty, hurtful message, Remus still came all the way over here, just for him… 

“Remus…” he said hesitantly. 

“Yes?”

“Have I ruined everything? Like… Between us?”

“What?” Remus shook his head. “How could you have ruined anything? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Sirius looked down at his hands, awkwardly placed in his lap. “I know, but… the last time we were together, it felt all blissful and perfect and just right,” he said. “And now we can barely look at each other.” 

“You’re the one who won't look at me, Sirius.” 

He was right. Fuck. Sirius hesitantly looked up, his eye half covered by a strand of hair he didn’t bother to push out of the way. “I just worry things will never be the same.”

Remus met his eyes. “They might not,” he said. “But hey, that doesn’t mean things are ruined. Sure, we might not be able to just… pick up from where we left things. But that doesn’t change the fact that I like you. A lot. I mean, for fucks sake, Sirius, why else would I sit in a stupid crammed plane for hours just to get to you?” He sighed, running a hand through his messy curls. “My point is, I don’t think our relationship is ruined. Even if everything doesn’t feel perfect and blissful right now, and even if we’re in a gross airport instead of an adorable ice cream shop or a quiet library, being with you still feels… right.” 

Sirius’ dumbass brain appeared to have launched itself into full gay panic mode. He couldn’t even form a bloody sentence. “I- That’s…” His face was surely the colour of a tomato by now. “Yeah, yeah it- it feels right for me too,” he stammered nervously. 

Remus chuckled, taking Sirius’ stray strands of hair and tucking it behind his ear. “Can I-?”

Sirius nodded, breathless as he looked into Remus’ soft green eyes. “Kiss me,” he whispered. 

Their lips met and everything - the anxiety, the guilt, and the shitty airport - all melted away, transporting the two of them to… not quite the ice cream shop or the library or the school, but simply… _home_. 

“I leave you guys alone for _5 minutes_ ,” Lily exclaimed, bringing both of them back to the airport. “You _do_ know you’re in public, right?”

Remus sighed. “How have you put up with her for years?” he asked.

Sirius smiled softly. “You get used to it.” 

Lily huffed impatiently. “Let’s get to the gate now, okay? Our flight leaves in 90 minutes!”

Remus and Sirius exchanged amused looks. “Don’t worry," Sirius muttered. "You get used to that, too.” 

-

The phone rang for too long, in Sirius’ opinion. In reality, it was probably only 10 seconds or so. 

“ _Oui, c’est Regulus_.” 

Sirius’ heart missed a beat. “Reg.”

“Sirius?” 

“Yeah,” Sirius muttered. “How… how are you?”

“I’m managing,” Regulus answered. “And you?”

“Well.” Sirius considered his answer for a moment. “I’m… I’m staying with Lily and her family. I feel a bit guilty, taking up space here, but… I guess they’re used to having me here. Before, when I lived with you guys, I would be over there at any given chance, remember?”

“Mhm,” Reg said. “It sounds nice. I’m happy for you, Sirius.” 

Sirius sighed. “Look, Reg, I’m so fucking sorry. I feel so guilty for leaving you behind.” 

“Don’t,” he answered. “Really, I’m doing alright here. I promise you, that’s the truth.”

“Alright…”

They were both silent for a moment, before Sirius spoke again. “How did mum and dad react? You weren’t in trouble, were you?” 

“They didn’t even suspect I had anything to do with it,” Reg answered. “They were livid, though. At you. And they’ve sort of… informally disowned you, I guess. Mum won’t even acknowledge that you exist anymore.”

“Really?”

“The other day, Andromeda came home, and when she asked about you, mum answered that she didn’t have a son named Sirius. So I guess I’m an only child now.” He let out a nervous laugh. 

“Good for you,” Sirius said. “That’s double the inheritance.” 

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna be rich.” 

Sirius swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Listen, Reg,” he said. “Once I graduate, I’m going to try and get my own place. It’ll probably be shitty and run-down, but… Well, I was wondering, once this happens… Do you want to come and stay with me?”

There was silence on the other end of the line. 

“You obviously don’t have to,” Sirius hurried to add. “Really, forget about it, you probably wouldn't want to-”

“Could I really come live with you?” Regulus interrupted him, his voice quiet, barely more than a whisper. 

Sirius let out a shaky breath. “Yeah. Absolutely.” 

“That would be amazing,” Regulus answered. “I- Thank you so much.” 

There was a faint voice at Reg’s end of the line; a voice Sirius recognized all too well. 

“I have to go,” Reg said. “But it was really good talking to you.”

“You too,” Sirius said. “Please, call me sometime soon, yeah?”

“Of course.” 

_ Beep.  _

Sirius put down the phone, tears welling into his eyes. _Things will be okay_ , he told himself, attempting a few deep breaths. He was here now, safe, and in the course of the year, he would graduate and get his own place. Regulus would come live with him, and they would both be safe. 

“Sirius, dinner is ready soon!” Lily’s red hair poked through the door. “Oh, and I invited Remus over, since you’re too much of a coward to do it.” 

“Be right there,” he told her. 

He got up and wiped his eyes, his breathing finally getting back to a steady normal. “Things will be okay,” he said to himself, this time out loud. 

Everything would be okay, eventually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this. if you enjoyed it, please consider supporting it by leaving kudos and comments<3  
>  you can also follow me on tumblr @whom-ping-willow


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